the tell-tale heart..hahha!

Congratulations all around...I have managed looking for something new to ear...Hmmm...Eating while i got huge signals of migraine...I puked like mad and my head betray me with surreal pain..I could have died you know. But I made it.Excuse the exageration.
Stuck again in INTI, for the third time...Suffer a great combination of pain, migraine and 'the time of the month' pain...Perfect!
I used to think impatience was my worst quality, I see now it may be patience...procrastinate, designate, create, consumate...and as they say, worst thing does not come all way...I had my time with my loved ones..simple but loving it!! You're the greatest Myan!!
I had one almost completely perfect day this weekend...Moment to moment, back to back...Sure wish I had someone here to screw it all up...Yup...Unhuh...Waiting...Wondering...Pretty darn quiet...Good...........

touch me

Touch me

In secret places

No one has reached before

In silent places

Where words only interfere

In sad places

Where only whispering makes sense.

Touch me

In the morning

When night still clings

At midday

When confusion crowds upon me

At twilight

As I begin to know who I am

In the evening

When I see you and hear you

Best of all..

Touch me

Like a child

Who will never have enough love

For I am a girl

Who wants to be lost in your arms

A woman

Who has known enough pain to love

Touch me

In crowds

When a single look says everything

In solitude

When it's too dark to even look

In absence

When I reach for you through time and miles.

Touch me In the evening
When darkness comes early

And the softness of fur surrounds my face

In morning

When the sun makes me languid

And water laps at my feet In night

When lovers come alive

Touch me

When I ask

When I'm afraid to ask.

Touch me

With your lips

Your hands

Your words

Your presence in the room.

Touch me

Gently

For I am fragile

Firmly

For I am strong

Often

For I am alone.

Touch me

With your thoughts

That only your smile reveals

With your heart, your soul, your mind

Let me know that I am here

For I was made to be touched

by you and you alone..

aftermath

Where does one go from here?
When a moment of time passes
When you feel the touch of fear.

Where does a love flourish?
When the darkness divides them
And the soul is malnourished.

The depths of uncertainty
Let it be known to me,
Without insanity.

The depths of insecurity
Let it flow like the river
Let it be blasphemy.

Why does life have its uncertainties? Why does it have to be so hard? Why do the unknowns scare people? Why do I keep feeling insecure? Why i kept sensing vibe that I'm not the one? Why do I let them bother me? Why do I let them run my thoughts? Why can't I get them out of my head? Why do things have to be so difficult? Why does society rule what people think of each other? Why do people stereotype? Why do people like each other? What is the reason for relationships? Why are people left hanging? What is the reason for people to get intertwined with feelings that doesn't let them lead the life they want to lead? Is there any point in life that a person can live without worry? Why cant people move on? Why I'm the victim? and why, why, why i kept feeling its just a fling?
Does anyone have any answers to these?

I feel the fear of uncertainty, stinging clear..
How much do i let the fear, take the wheel and steer..

padded walls

These padded walls inside my head
try to trap u but gets me instead
and then I drink the red of you
remembering everything I slew.

I collapse inside everything
seeing what tomorrow brings
foretold the winding of the dream
nothings ever what it seems.

My mind explodes in a reigning rage
the story gets told ,there's no next page
no dark corners are nearby
nowhere in which I can hide
only walls surrounding me
walls of broken hearts and dreams.

These padded walls inside my head
try to trap u but gets me instead
and then I drink the red of you
remembering everything I slew.

hush now...

I hate wondering if someone I love might be using me, simply because it's happened in the past and I can't completely understand all their actions. Everybody hates who they become sometimes, and i believe everybody wish so hard to change back to their old self. Jealousy, fights, and misconception and misunderstanding. I don't like the people they become when they're arguing. Perhaps the strangest thing is they could be laughing together in the next moment. Still, it festers inside, because it's not resolved, and it can't be. They want too badly to change each other, so that they are with their "ideal" person. I don't want to want that. If I'm in love with someone, I don't want him to feel like I am trying to change him. And i want him to understand there are some things i dont wish to become but some issues made me that way. That i am fragile though i might tough talk, that i need help. That if i could become this, with help, i could 'un'become it. I want to love unconditionally, no terms, without border. To feel whole..I don't want to be with someone who yells at me. I can't stand that. I can't stand loud, violent noises, and I can't stand having my words misconstrued or twisted; deliberately misunderstood. I want someone who will talk to me, who will listen to what I have to say, and understand that what he does affects me, and know that I'm doing my best to take that into consideration with my actions, even though I won't always succeed.I don't want to settle for less than intensely real love. Love in terms of: compassion, understanding, communication and desire. I want it all. I want to be able to stand in the midst of a rainstorm, staring skyward and talking to the moon, thinking only of him, because the intensity of the feelings evoked within me are only matched by what I feel for him. Not only that, though- I want it to be reciprocated. I want to know that he considers my feelings, so that even when something does hurt me, I won't have to stop to be angry, because I'll know he wouldn't do anything to intentionally upset me. I want to never go to sleep angry, never part with angry words, and always feel like I can talk absolutely openly with him, even if he might not like my words. And if i might not too.
I'd sacrifise for him...so, hush now Nadia...hush....

time f***s me slow

Time f***s me slowly.....
Time wears thin and through,
Stopping only to take
Everything that it can.

Time fucks me slowly.
I feel it's essence,
A new pressence.
I feel it's heat flowing
Through my entire soul.

Time fucks me slowly.
A never ending pleasure,
A passion that I will
Never remember and
Never forget.

Time fucks me slowly,
Sometimes taking more
Than I can give.
Though sometimes I realize
That I give more
Than I should.

it aint hard.

Have you ever heard of that saying "You dont know what their worth until their gone"? I heard it more than I need to. I dont know who thought of this saying, but in my own oppinion, you dont relize what you've got until its gone, you realize it right then and there. If you cant see that you dont realize the obvious.
Living any life isn't easy, no matter how much paradise you may live in. Everyone has issues, or a problem they cant find their way out of.
Me on the other hand I deal with a lot of problems, day after day. You become desperate to get that OK feeling again, and who hasnt. I may never know why I, or better yet we may never know why we go through the shit we go through, but maybe its for the better, but I really cant say. No one has the answers to everything, and if we did, I dont think there would be such thing as islam, catholics, christians, jews you name it.
I'm full of regret, and probably would give anything to change my mistakes, but hey I cant. Maybe that's why the world goes around. Every day is different from every other one, if any one day repeated more than once then that would take the fun outta life, everyday should be a surprise, and hopefully not a disappointment. Lately Ive been focusing on the negativity out of my day to life but who cant. When Its so easy to be traumatized by the littlest of problems. Instead of moving on I forget, block it out. I guess its a condition, because my mind doesn't want to accept the pain, so instead of leaving it behind me I act like it was never there. Sad huh?
I lose touch with people that way.......