Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Tawa Dalam Tawan: An Honest Review.

Tawa Dalam Tawan
(build and read by Zahiril Adzim)

Ke hadapan bintang jatuh,
yang melintas melintangi pandangan aku,
dan merempuh tembok kewarasan,
hingga hancur segala cita,
yang merangkak aku cipta.
berhari,
berminggu,
berbulan
bertahun,umurnya.

Dan kini, mengesot aku mengutip,
Serpihan cita yang berderai, berkecai, terburai, terkulai,
yang berselerak jaraknya.
Lalu aku ambil satu persatu
Dan aku kumpul dan aku bina semula,
menjadi seperti sedia kala.
Dengan rasa yang hina,
setelah diperlaku kejam oleh kerabat dia.
Yang kononnya mengaku sedia tahu,
mengaku maha tahu.
Kepala hotak lu.

Apa ucap kau hari itu?
Apa laku kau hari itu?
Apa rasa kau hari itu?
Apa fikir kau hari itu?

Simpan sahaja jawapan untuk otak bahalolmu itu.

Aku mengerti bahawa kita diternak,
Aku, kau, dia, kamu, kita, mereka dan kami semuanya adalah ternakan.
Oleh sekumpulan dewa yang kerjanya berpesta,
Sambil merompak nasi pagi, nasi petang, nasi malam!
Itu semua nasi kita!
Yang memaksa tangisan anak terlaung kuat,
kerana bapaknya tidak mampu beli susu.
Lalu ditembak mati kerana terpaksa mencuri,
rebah terbujur di lantai pasaraya,
mengalirkan darah perit hidupnya,
dan disaksikan oleh sang isteri yang meraung sia - sia.

Tapi ada dia peduli?
Kalau bukan keluarganya,
Kalau bukan saudara - maranya,
Kalau bukan kawan - kawanya,
Jangan harap dia nak peduli!

Dia menolak akuan bahawa kita ditawan,
Dia menolak akuan bahawa dia ditawan,

Yang mengepit handbag LV berlenggang di Pavillion,
Yang menyarung skinny jeans merokok di Bukit Bintang,
Yang meneguk Chivas di kelab cucuk bintang,
Yang memijak lantai kereta kancil turbo atau lain - lain kereta bikin.
Yang memulas handle RXZ,
Yang menggalas beg ke kuliah,
Yang terperangkap dalam pejabat dari 9 - 5 petang,
Yang melaung protes di jalanraya,
Yang mengira undi pilihanraya.
Yang teruja nak jadi selebriti,
Yang bertekad menjadi penyanyi.
Yang terhegeh berlakon KAMI The Movie.
Apatah lagi yang sedang baca puisi ini.

Kita, semuanya ditawan!
Kau, tertawan.
Aku, tertawan.
Kita, tertawa dalam tertawan,
Ditawan oleh kemodenan,
Ditawan oleh globalisasi!
Ditawan oleh arus dunia realiti!
Terutamanya dewa berkuku besi.

Tidak terasa bagi yang selesa,
Tidak terkesan bagi yang mewah,
Hanya tersedar oleh si kebanyakkan.
Hanya terlihat oleh yang keperitan.

Tak terdaya aku bertindak,
Dengan kebodohannya dan juga lagak,
Kepada syaitan bertopeng alim.
Kononnya mulia, sebenarnya zalim.

Aku biarkan dia dengan wataknya,
Aku biarkan aku dengan lakuku,
Aku biarkan mereka dengan tawanya,
Aku biarkan kami dengan isi hati sendiri.
Kerana aku tiada mampu.

Kehadapan bintang jatuh,
Semoga kamu akan jatuh.
Aku harap tertiarap terus,
Kerana aku mahu kau pergi mampus.

*taken from zahiriladzim.blogspot.com*


Review:

The language in this poem gives proof to the rawest emotions without shying away. Whenever I read something with this brutal beauty I always admire the courage of the poet. I admire your ability to witness the flow of sorrow and anger that accompanies bruised and an ungrateful love. You tell of the feelings associated with unrequited love and yet, underneath - sliding like a frigid thermal under already cold water - there is this sense of betrayal, this sense of 'you made me believe my feelings were returned or I would never have allowed myself to go so far toward loving you'. A definite feel that, had she cared at all, she would have interceded long before your heart was so firmly engaged.
That now she had been conquered. Tertawan.

The under-current issue in this poem makes me think hard about the reality of current political climate and how we're too blind or too ignorant to see these 'people' are constantly trying to change and slowly ripping us from our freedom. Change is insidious and the slower it happens, the more people become complacent and accepting until they are trapped.
Freedom dies slow but that leaves you the chance to save it, don't you think?

The work though, is stunningly conceived and takes me on a complete spectral journey of well-described injured emotions, the way you able to relate the political amours with how she's unconsciously associated, and how beautiful the connections are, until your finale which is flawlessly described you claiming your strength and admit her foolishness in the final destination of which is that last stanza.

That last verse reads like a matador playing with the deadly horns of the bull. There is such injured pride contained in that last verse, yet a proud man still stands tall, even if mortally wounded by savagely wounded love.

Very heavy with emotion. The contrasts of the two sides...ending in pure intensity and pain.

Can love be this devastating...Oh YES!


Tetapi Zahiril membuktikan ia juga mampu mendewasakan.

Monday, October 27, 2008

meine inneren Gedanken und Gefühl



Oh, can't anybody see,
We've got a war to fight,
Never found our way,
Regardless of what they say.

How can it feel, this wrong,
From this moment,
How can it feel, this wrong.

Storm,
In the morning light,
I feel,
No more can I say,
Frozen to myself.

I got nobody on my side,
And surely that ain't right,
Surely that ain't right.

Oh, can't anybody see,
We've got a war to fight,
Never found our way,
Regardless of what they say.

How can it feel, this wrong,
From this moment,
How can it feel, this wrong.

How can it feel this wrong,
From this moment,
How can it feel, this wrong.

Oh, can't anybody see,
We've got a war to fight,
Never found our way,
Regardless of what they say.

How can it feel, this wrong,
From this moment,
How can it feel, this wrong.





Closer
No hesitation
Give me
All that you have

And it's been so long, that I can't explain
And it's been so wrong
Right now, so wrong

Naked
My thoughts are creeping
To late
The show has begun

And it's been so long, that I can't confess
And it's been so wrong
Right now, so wrong

Is it all as it seems
So unresolved, so unredeemed
If I remain, how will I know

And it's been so long, that I can't be sure
And it's been so wrong
Right now, so wrong


(and this loneliness, and this paranoia, and this ache, just wont leave me alone...)

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Gay-ness?


Well, as if I really gave a shit what people thought, but here's something to discuss that I thought might be of interest to people even if they didn't agree with it.

HOMOSEXUALITY. Have I scared enough people with that word yet? How about these- lesbian, gay, dyke, fairy, butch, and the ever constant if not uncreative and insulting... homo. How am I doing so far???

Well here' something else to stir up the senses, how about Gay pride not being fit for the Parliament or the President? Now I know some of you, in your 'orang batu' views still find homosexuality a horrible thing (unless of course, gentlemen, it's two supermodel blondes -correct me if I am wrong with that assumption please). But let's skip to the 20th century. Even if we didn't, homosexuality would still be here because it was even in this world when Shakespeare was around, and even further back then that.

I find the idea that people can be so close minded as to say that homosexuality is unacceptable and a taboo, well...Full of Shit, to put it politely. Not to mention, Bullheaded. Who are we to judge other people? We are not Gods, far beneath it in fact, and I think it's humorous to try to present it as such. What is everyone so afraid of? Gay vibes flowing out and zapping people in the ass and turning everyone around us gay? I don't understand this fear.. Let me rephrase that, I understand the fear (or at least try to) but I don't understand the hate. I understand that it is human nature to fear what you don't understand, but when that fear leads to hate...that is what I don't understand.

Type in the words HATE CRIME...see the truth about what is going on in the world. Hide in your ignorance and fear and lose the chance to understand just how insane this world is. You'll find horrible statistics (and yes this is including racial hate crimes as well) horrible crimes of brutality that would shock even the most knowledgeable person.

Personally, I think a lot of it is people's fears of their own sexuality. People have to learn to deal with things that are different, whether it be sex, skin color, or sexual preference. I felt sick listening to one story about this kononnya a 'godly' band, having a 'godly' concert and actually have the courtesy to announce, before the show, that for "all the gays and lesbians that present here, we want you to leave. Coz we hate homos"! Are fucking kidding me?

Firstly, ask yourself: who are you to 'double-standard' a person, and who the hell are you to determine and criticized how people choose to live their lives? Most importantly, who the fuck are you to shut, to deny, or to refuse their opportunity in life and their rights to choose where to be and what to do?

*Homophobia is so Gay*

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Mother Cat's Tummy Exploded infront of Her 3 Kittens by 2 Kids with Fireworks, Duck's Beak Chopped Alive.


Cruelty to animals refers to the infliction of unnecessary suffering or harm to animals. (Wikipedia)

There is a case of cruelty to animals in the South Korean film The Isle, according to its director Kim Ki-Duk. In the film, a real frog is skinned alive while fish are mutilated.Yes people, innocent animals are killed, red-handedly, by the actors, on screen, for us to watch. To be entertained.

Several animals were killed for the camera in the controversial Italian film Cannibal Holocaust. The images in the film include the slow and graphic beheading and ripping apart of a turtle, a monkey being beheaded and its brains being consumed by natives and a spider being chopped apart. In fact, Cannibal Holocaust was only one film in a collective of similarly themed movies (cannibal films) that featured unstaged animal cruelty. Their influences were rooted in the films of Mondo Filmmakers, which sometimes contained similar content. More recently, the video sharing site YouTube has been criticized for hosting thousands of videos of real life animal cruelty, especially the feeding of one animal to another for the purposes of entertainment and spectacle. In spite of these videos being flagged as inappropriate by many users, YouTube has generally failed to take the same policing actions to remove them.

Animals deserve rights just as much as people do.

For a very long time humans have abused animals in the worst ways. They made them carry us. Treated them like slaves. Hurt them. Forced them to entertain us. Experimented on them, and in some extreme cases, used them to satisfy our sexual desires.

People argue, but its not like they have feelings or anything, they aren't as highly evolved as us. Look into your dog's eyes after you have told him off and tell me you don't see sadness there. Look at your cat when you stroke him and tell me you don't see contentedness there. Just like human when we are happy, our emotions show in our eyes too.

Animal cruelty is in our everyday lives. Most of us don't even realize it, but everything you eat, drink, walk on, or drive in has a negative effect on something. The meat you eat was taken from the hide of something that was killed, something that could think, breathe and feel just like you.

But that is just on a small scale. Animal cruelty exists on a much larger scale around the world. People rip out the claws and teeth of bears then tie up a sick starving dogs onto them for fun. That's called dancing bears. Because the bears look like they're dancing as they avoid the dogs sharp teeth. Imagine if i tie up someone you care about. your mother, brother, sister or your lover, and ripped out their nails and teeth, then tie up a sick, hungry, starving dogs onto them to watch them dance. Could you imagine that? Think of whales, who's intelligence has been deemed to be on par with humans by some scientists. Whalers shoot harpoons into their heads, which explode. A report filed by the conservation team 'whale watchers' documented that it can take hours for the shot whale to die. Not a pretty picture is it? And whale meat has more toxins in it than most other meats. In other words, until it has been through the blander, whale meat has no benefits for humans. But we kill them anyway.

Hunters. People go on safari's and kill wild animals, cut off their heads for trophies and leave the carcasses.

Makeup. The popular brand of baby products, are tested on animals. Unless the product actually states they don't test on animals, generally they do. Yes, even for your favorite lipstick. Wanna see what it looks like when an animal has had some makeup thing stuck in its eye?

Its called Draize testing. For your vanity. Feel beautiful yet?

Animal cruelty is everywhere, and while these animals may not be able to bang a couple of rocks together to make tools, they feel pain. Just like you.

I'm not asking you to stop eating and drinking and start walking around naked to stop the cruelty. That's impossible. Buy only makeup that proudly states it doesn't test on animals. Wear clothes that are all natural, like cotton instead of leather. Recycle. For god's sake its not that fucking hard. Go to a bin that has the recycle sticker on it and put the damn rubbish in it. Make sure its in the right bin though.

http://www.peta.org/actioncenter/testing.asp

Watch the movie on that site and tell me you can still look in the mirror and feel beautiful. I cant. I feel sick.

Look at your pets. Don't have one? Think of your favourite animal. Now know that somewhere around the world, an animal just like that is being tortured for human gain. Please, do everything you can to help stop this unnecessary pain. Recycle. Buy natural. Buy pain free.

Think of the lives of the animals you are improving just by making tiny, insignificant adjustments to your lifestyle. Know that you are making a difference.


PLEASE.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Malaysia's 2nd International Fireworks Competition





I went for Malaysia's International Fireworks Competition in Putrajaya, last Saturday. It was China's go for the tittle, and it was awesome with tons and tons of crowds. Small stalls selling laksa, keropok lekor, tidbits, drinks and even those glow-in-the-dark bangles are everywhere, and it is exactly like pasar malam, but cooler and at least something to expect of the night.. My mum was so excited, for the first time she don't mind sitting on the grass. I, on the other hand, busy taking pictures of people and the fireworks. *note that the video and the photos aboveare taken from my camera. The photos after that are gorgeous, so it wasn't mine :)* Natijah dari cerita ini, ianya hebat.. Great show..

Enjoy!



The Ministry of Tourism will again host the Malaysia International Fireworks Competition this August in Putrajaya. Renowned world-class Fireworks Teams from around the world will compete for the 'Golden Merdeka Trophy'. The Ministry has announced that there will not be any Tickets sold this year at the Event. The event is Free for All! Speakers will be installed at the public viewing locations, enabling the spectators to enjoy the 'Musical Firework Displays'. Entrance to PICC is Free.


For two weeks in August, the skies over Putrajaya are to be lit up by a series of pyrotechnics displays. The pyrotechnic artistry will be different from regular fireworks shows as this one is meticulously choreographed to music.
For 25 minutes on each competitive night, the maestros of the night will AWE spectators with breathtaking presentations of FIRE, LIGHT with MUSIC. Prior to the final night, a judging panel of international and local celebrities will select a winner. Although a prestigious award will be presented to the victorious team, their true prize is audience delight.
The competition, last year, drew an average of 350,000 to 400,000 live audiences to PUTRAJAYA each competition night, breaking all time record in attendance. Total numbers attended including international and domestic to urist for 2 weeks was estimated at whopping 3.5 Million people.
(article from www.mif c.com.my)



Thursday, August 14, 2008

Tribute to a Friend; Muhammad Saiful b. Mohd. Kadir, 14th August 2008, 9.43am.

There are so many stories I still want to tell.
There are so many things left unsaid.
There are many tears left uncried.
There are many dreams left to fall apart.

I'll remember you always,
for the good you have done,
for the seed you have sown,
for the faith you have given me,
and for the example you set.

Yet, I find myself all sad again,
in my thoughts,
in my joys.
My thoughts are closed,
cause you don't look there anymore.

The season is over and
I know I must be happy.
But the loss is too big,
and the pain too intense.
I need to tell you my new story,
see your eyes,
experience your smile,
and taste the tea we usually drink.

But Saiful,
I'll miss you,
We'll miss you.
I cried for you then,
and I cry for now.

But enjoy now your long waited reward.
Feel peace that your love continues on.
What was taught to me, will be taught to mine,
Cause you live on in me even after you've gone.

*May Allah bless your beautiful soul. Amin..*

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Oh Lordy..



Have you ever caught yourself blushing, inappropriately? It shook your core so hard, that you blush just with some innocent chat? All I can say is, wow...

Life throws punches and surprises at you, so suddenly.And sometimes, you don't even want to fight back,you're just breathless and wondering what the hell is going on.
Not knowing that you could feel that way, never thought you could.

Admiring your debonair afar

A loving that you shall never mar

With eyes so deep, getting lost for days

Mysterious in so many ways.

*laughing shyly, silently*

Sunday, August 3, 2008

The Awesome, Non-Stripper Bachelorette.




It’s important to feel safe. Safe in the sense that when you come home, you can be yourself. Your partner will not judge you when you make mistakes or say something wrong. You know that no matter what, he or she will always be there.

There are a few occasions in life that are every bit as beautiful, rare, and shining as they are intended to be. Even as you’re living them, you know that these are going to be memories you revisit for years to come.

Last Saturday was Billy's Hen's Night and it was naughty with so much more.. Riight girls!

I just love the idea of Girls Night, any girls night. I received the invitation via email from Vivien (Billy's friend and have the cutest courtesy to explain this: "Hi, I dont think you know me but kawan kita Billy tu nak kahwin dah. So, we're throwing her a Hen's night") Without even considering, I replied, "Yeah, I'm in!"

The moment I rang the room 817's bell, I was welcomed by Vivien. Funny how easy the introduction goes, as if we've known each other. And it goes for the rest of the girls, half of which I dont know who but we clicked- immediately. Then, I saw Billy.. Milly, Billy, Silly.. She's glowing, coz she's happy and I can see she's excited. She's thrilled that her girls gathered together to celebrate her last singlehood.. We then spent hours in 817, giggling and chatting like little girls, running back and forth to the other room and laughing and 'awww'ing over Sex and the City. I realized at one point that I missed the company of girlfriends, the constant chatter and the ability to process things out loud, discovering the commonalities of life that you thought were only peculiar to your own situation. Being by nature quite solitary, I usually relish my quiet, largely internal life, but on this day it was blessedly different.

The party was harmless. At 1 corner, manicure pedicure is in session. On the bed, girls gathered around, watching 'Sex and the City, the Movie'. Other corner, people chowing down MeeHoon and some vodka jelly. Sometimes it’s awkward introducing yourself to a group of people who don’t know you, but after some initial stiffness, we relaxed into an easy banter that belied the short amount of time these people had known each other. No matter their age or life situation, soon all these fabulous ladies were soon laughing and talking, getting to know each other, with their only common bond being Billy's friend and the celebration of their nuptials.

Wine's everywhere, it was fun until the drama of changing rooms because of the ridiculous piping matter. We suspect its just some lame reason to shift us girls in a 'bugged' room. Too bad neither brought their electronic detector device (lol).

Although I must admit that throughout the night, I cant sit tight. I'm constantly stealing glances at the door and the mechanic who fixed our sliding door. I was expecting, badly, for a male stripper. Yes, I am traditional and I believe a male stripper is the most cliche' method of celebrating bachelor or bachelorette party, and yet everybody made an exception for this particular cliche'. Too bad, none showed up. Sigh..

Finally, I had 1-on-1 talk with Billy. We never really 'talk' before, maybe its the surfing pressure. No girlie session allowed. I found her sweet, caring, kind, and most of all- crazay in love with Hafiz. I asked her, "Can you imagine yourself being with anyone else than Hafiz?" "No. (shake her head, so many times)" Simple and very honest.
"He is the sweetest and most caring guy I've ever met and he is for me. I cant wish for anyone better. Nadia, (while touching my hand and looking straight into my eyes) he's perfect. He's perfect for me. I love him". No elaboration needed.

This is just one of the countless touching moments I have caught in Billy's Hen party. Brides-to-be have such a terrific time with their girlfriends. Some are moved to tears to see their girlfriends surfacing on this special occasion. Others seemed to get closer because of the magic in the air. It is simply a celebration of love, being and sealing the love.

For Billy and Hafiz, all we need to know is that these two people have already become comfortable with one another. And that they're excited to be in each other's company. And that tells me that they have the foundation for a wonderful marriage: not just lovers, but lifelong friends as well. Years from now, may you look back, as the day you loved each other the least.

Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. And it's a wonderful thing when two people who were made for each other manage to fall in love. So I'd like to make a toast. And I'd like to make it with this thought in mind: May your love be like the wind, strong enough to move the clouds, soft enough to never hurt. So this is to you, Mariam and Hafiz, and a wonderful life together. Ladies and Gentlemen, to friends, lovers and soul mates. Congratulation..

Friday, July 11, 2008

Air Con- Respect.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Tribute to all lovers


Sometimes people talk to me about love. And so I listen and try to remember about the magic and the glory of love. I listen and try to recall when I was bathed in the blazing heatstroke of love. I try to remember the moment that I was standing in the sweltering noontime of love, feeling the heat and the direct rays that blind you, that paralyze you, that envelope you. It is as if there was never shade in your life. It is as if you never stood under a tree away from the sun. It is as if you were never anywhere but here where you are now. And you can't imagine being anywhere but this place, in this searing heat as you are now.

But one day, you find yourself standing in the shade and wonder how in the world you ended up here after all. You are now either divorced or widowed or just quietly removed from the sun. And here you stand, draped in cloaks that cover you from head to toe, making it rather impossible to feel the sun even if you somehow made it out of the shade and wandered by chance into the full sun again. And so you sit in your chaise lounge chair, covered from head to toe in flowered purple cloth, sunglasses shielding your eyes, floppy straw hat on your head, watching from afar as the lovers of the world lay naked in the sun at noon and bake and bask and soak every single ray in. Notice how incredibly happy they look right now, at this moment, frolicing, dancing, laughing, singing, sighing, whispering, blowing kisses on the gentle breezes. I don't think love is foolish. It think it is privileged. I think it is timely.

There seems to be a time to dance in the full sun and burn with intensity. And there is also a time to lounge in the shade and watch from afar, detached and safe from harms way. And I think perhaps that we take turns. Some of us prefer to stay in the sun longer than others. Some of us are content to wrap ourselves in cool clothes and relax on the sidelines. I think we all have a turn at this or that, we all get a taste of sweet and sour. It wasn't really that long ago that I felt the sand between my toes as I danced in the noonday sun. And if you would ask a person that finds themselves alone after 50 years of marriage, "how long ago was it that you danced?" They would say, "Only a blink of an eye ago. It seems like only yesterday but the calendar says many years have gone by."

Its like wanting to have a great tan. So, you lay on this silver insulation and the sun reflected off of that shiney surface and burn you severely. You see the doctor and he said you got 2nd and 3rd degree burns now.So you never did that again. Then sometimes when you have protected yourself for so long and been so careful and reduced the risk of burning so consistantly - you come to the point where you say to yourself, "Am I still alive?" I think that's probably the day that you start to unwrap those mummified clothes and toss your straw hat on the lounge chair and kick your shoes off never glancing to see where they landed, and you set off barefoot to see if the sun still shines. So, this is a tribute to the lovers of the world who are standing in the noonday sun right now, bathed in the bright light of blistering love......soak it all in, as much as you can, because it seems like we take turns here on this merry-go-round we can home. And sometimes when I bump into a stranger on the street, it almost feels as if we were once locked in a dance long ago and I can almost hear the music playing from a distance. It seems like there was a tune that sounds familiar. It seems like I remember something, but it was so long ago that it doesn't matter right now. The time was then and the turn is over.