Air Con- Respect.

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Tribute to all lovers

Sometimes people talk to me about love. And so I listen and try to remember about the magic and the glory of love. I listen and try to recall when I was bathed in the blazing heatstroke of love. I try to remember the moment that I was standing in the sweltering noontime of love, feeling the heat and the direct rays that blind you, that paralyze you, that envelope you. It is as if there was never shade in your life. It is as if you never stood under a tree away from the sun. It is as if you were never anywhere but here where you are now. And you can't imagine being anywhere but this place, in this searing heat as you are now.

But one day, you find yourself standing in the shade and wonder how in the world you ended up here after all. You are now either divorced or widowed or just quietly removed from the sun. And here you stand, draped in cloaks that cover you from head to toe, making it rather impossible to feel the sun even if you somehow made it out of the shade and wandered by chance into the full sun again. And so you sit in your chaise lounge chair, covered from head to toe in flowered purple cloth, sunglasses shielding your eyes, floppy straw hat on your head, watching from afar as the lovers of the world lay naked in the sun at noon and bake and bask and soak every single ray in. Notice how incredibly happy they look right now, at this moment, frolicing, dancing, laughing, singing, sighing, whispering, blowing kisses on the gentle breezes. I don't think love is foolish. It think it is privileged. I think it is timely.

There seems to be a time to dance in the full sun and burn with intensity. And there is also a time to lounge in the shade and watch from afar, detached and safe from harms way. And I think perhaps that we take turns. Some of us prefer to stay in the sun longer than others. Some of us are content to wrap ourselves in cool clothes and relax on the sidelines. I think we all have a turn at this or that, we all get a taste of sweet and sour. It wasn't really that long ago that I felt the sand between my toes as I danced in the noonday sun. And if you would ask a person that finds themselves alone after 50 years of marriage, "how long ago was it that you danced?" They would say, "Only a blink of an eye ago. It seems like only yesterday but the calendar says many years have gone by."

Its like wanting to have a great tan. So, you lay on this silver insulation and the sun reflected off of that shiney surface and burn you severely. You see the doctor and he said you got 2nd and 3rd degree burns now.So you never did that again. Then sometimes when you have protected yourself for so long and been so careful and reduced the risk of burning so consistantly - you come to the point where you say to yourself, "Am I still alive?" I think that's probably the day that you start to unwrap those mummified clothes and toss your straw hat on the lounge chair and kick your shoes off never glancing to see where they landed, and you set off barefoot to see if the sun still shines. So, this is a tribute to the lovers of the world who are standing in the noonday sun right now, bathed in the bright light of blistering love......soak it all in, as much as you can, because it seems like we take turns here on this merry-go-round we can home. And sometimes when I bump into a stranger on the street, it almost feels as if we were once locked in a dance long ago and I can almost hear the music playing from a distance. It seems like there was a tune that sounds familiar. It seems like I remember something, but it was so long ago that it doesn't matter right now. The time was then and the turn is over.

the tell-tale heart..hahha!

Congratulations all around...I have managed looking for something new to ear...Hmmm...Eating while i got huge signals of migraine...I puked like mad and my head betray me with surreal pain..I could have died you know. But I made it.Excuse the exageration.
Stuck again in INTI, for the third time...Suffer a great combination of pain, migraine and 'the time of the month' pain...Perfect!
I used to think impatience was my worst quality, I see now it may be patience...procrastinate, designate, create, consumate...and as they say, worst thing does not come all way...I had my time with my loved ones..simple but loving it!! You're the greatest Myan!!
I had one almost completely perfect day this weekend...Moment to moment, back to back...Sure wish I had someone here to screw it all up...Yup...Unhuh...Waiting...Wondering...Pretty darn quiet...Good...........

touch me

Touch me

In secret places

No one has reached before

In silent places

Where words only interfere

In sad places

Where only whispering makes sense.

Touch me

In the morning

When night still clings

At midday

When confusion crowds upon me

At twilight

As I begin to know who I am

In the evening

When I see you and hear you

Best of all..

Touch me

Like a child

Who will never have enough love

For I am a girl

Who wants to be lost in your arms

A woman

Who has known enough pain to love

Touch me

In crowds

When a single look says everything

In solitude

When it's too dark to even look

In absence

When I reach for you through time and miles.

Touch me In the evening
When darkness comes early

And the softness of fur surrounds my face

In morning

When the sun makes me languid

And water laps at my feet In night

When lovers come alive

Touch me

When I ask

When I'm afraid to ask.

Touch me

With your lips

Your hands

Your words

Your presence in the room.

Touch me

Gently

For I am fragile

Firmly

For I am strong

Often

For I am alone.

Touch me

With your thoughts

That only your smile reveals

With your heart, your soul, your mind

Let me know that I am here

For I was made to be touched

by you and you alone..

aftermath

Where does one go from here?
When a moment of time passes
When you feel the touch of fear.

Where does a love flourish?
When the darkness divides them
And the soul is malnourished.

The depths of uncertainty
Let it be known to me,
Without insanity.

The depths of insecurity
Let it flow like the river
Let it be blasphemy.

Why does life have its uncertainties? Why does it have to be so hard? Why do the unknowns scare people? Why do I keep feeling insecure? Why i kept sensing vibe that I'm not the one? Why do I let them bother me? Why do I let them run my thoughts? Why can't I get them out of my head? Why do things have to be so difficult? Why does society rule what people think of each other? Why do people stereotype? Why do people like each other? What is the reason for relationships? Why are people left hanging? What is the reason for people to get intertwined with feelings that doesn't let them lead the life they want to lead? Is there any point in life that a person can live without worry? Why cant people move on? Why I'm the victim? and why, why, why i kept feeling its just a fling?
Does anyone have any answers to these?

I feel the fear of uncertainty, stinging clear..
How much do i let the fear, take the wheel and steer..

padded walls

These padded walls inside my head
try to trap u but gets me instead
and then I drink the red of you
remembering everything I slew.

I collapse inside everything
seeing what tomorrow brings
foretold the winding of the dream
nothings ever what it seems.

My mind explodes in a reigning rage
the story gets told ,there's no next page
no dark corners are nearby
nowhere in which I can hide
only walls surrounding me
walls of broken hearts and dreams.

These padded walls inside my head
try to trap u but gets me instead
and then I drink the red of you
remembering everything I slew.

hush now...

I hate wondering if someone I love might be using me, simply because it's happened in the past and I can't completely understand all their actions. Everybody hates who they become sometimes, and i believe everybody wish so hard to change back to their old self. Jealousy, fights, and misconception and misunderstanding. I don't like the people they become when they're arguing. Perhaps the strangest thing is they could be laughing together in the next moment. Still, it festers inside, because it's not resolved, and it can't be. They want too badly to change each other, so that they are with their "ideal" person. I don't want to want that. If I'm in love with someone, I don't want him to feel like I am trying to change him. And i want him to understand there are some things i dont wish to become but some issues made me that way. That i am fragile though i might tough talk, that i need help. That if i could become this, with help, i could 'un'become it. I want to love unconditionally, no terms, without border. To feel whole..I don't want to be with someone who yells at me. I can't stand that. I can't stand loud, violent noises, and I can't stand having my words misconstrued or twisted; deliberately misunderstood. I want someone who will talk to me, who will listen to what I have to say, and understand that what he does affects me, and know that I'm doing my best to take that into consideration with my actions, even though I won't always succeed.I don't want to settle for less than intensely real love. Love in terms of: compassion, understanding, communication and desire. I want it all. I want to be able to stand in the midst of a rainstorm, staring skyward and talking to the moon, thinking only of him, because the intensity of the feelings evoked within me are only matched by what I feel for him. Not only that, though- I want it to be reciprocated. I want to know that he considers my feelings, so that even when something does hurt me, I won't have to stop to be angry, because I'll know he wouldn't do anything to intentionally upset me. I want to never go to sleep angry, never part with angry words, and always feel like I can talk absolutely openly with him, even if he might not like my words. And if i might not too.
I'd sacrifise for him...so, hush now Nadia...hush....